Thursday, October 8, 2009

Young Love...or Not!

I am very concerned these days...tell me if you can relate. You've heard me talk about having two boys - my 9 yr. old is in 4th grade, and my 7 yr. old is in 2nd grade.

Here's my dilemma - I have two good looking boys! Not to sound conceded, because God made them that way...and honestly, they don't look anything like me! So, other than birthing them, I can't take much credit. People keep saying "the girls are going to go crazy over your boys!" I just didn't know it would start so early - YIKES!

My husband wanted boys because he has 3 sisters and 5 nieces. He said over and over again that he didn't want to have to worry about guys chasing after his little girls. I've caught enough episodes of talk shows to know that now days, girls can be aggressive too. My how things have changed. oldest is NOT interested in girls whatsoever, even though some of his friends are starting to like them. I'm fine with this, he has plenty of time. He told his dad the other day that a little girl in his class said "I know someone who likes you". Instead of the expected response of "who likes me?", his answer was "Yuck!" So, no problem there for now.

My youngest is a whole different story... He had a little girlfriend from our church while he was in kindergarten. He stuck up for her in children's church when someone called her a name. He shoved her much bigger, older brother when he made her cry. He pushed behind the toy car while she sat in the drivers seat, and appeared to be very heroic & devoted. She was cute and had long blond hair. One day we were over at their house, and she came in from getting her hair cut. My son took one look at her short hair, and everything changed. He no longer wanted to be her "boyfriend". Of course I am not encouraging a relationship at this young age, but I was curious, so I asked "why don't you like her anymore?" He said "I don't like her hair." How typical! What is it with guys and long hair?

He went on to like this little girl from his kindergarten class. Again, blond hair, not really long, but not short. She chased him everyday on the playground. He told me one day that the girls were chasing him and trying to kiss him. I told him to run fast! No one is allowed to kiss him but his family. Honestly, where are the teachers? I noticed after awhile, he didn't talk about this little girl anymore. Again, I was curious, so I asked him what was going on. He explained that on "picnic with your pajamas" day (they wore their pajamas to school & had a picnic, don't ask me why?), he said she was no longer his girlfriend because she wore stupid looking pajamas. I know what you're thinking, I NEED to talk to my son about being so superficial! I agree.

First grade, another girl caught his eye, but this time he wasn't sure if she liked him. On the last day of school, I pick the boys up, and Josh informs me that he asked this girl to be his girlfriend and she said yes. I laughed and said, "you aren't going to see her again for 2 months!" We all made jokes about his timing. The closer we got to the beginning of school this year, the more he talked about dumping his "girlfriend". Sure enough, 4 days after school started, he said he told a friend of hers he wanted to break up. Thankfully he decided he was too young for a girlfriend!

I thought the whole matter was behind me. I went to chaperon his 2nd grade field trip to the police station last week. I was meeting the bus at the designated spot, and there was another mom waiting as well. I recognized the lady as the mother of my son's now "ex-girlfriend", haha. I introduced myself to her as Josh's mom. I said nothing of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. She began to tell me how her daughter came home from school upset for getting dumped, and explained how she had talked all summer long about how she couldn't wait to get back to school to see Josh. The girl's mother laughed, but it still felt very weird. Can I just tell you how uncomfortable I felt? I almost thought I should apologize for his behavior, but then I realized, their 7 years old! Plus, I was such a tomboy growing up, my idea of hanging out with a boy at 7 yrs. old was to beat him up!

What is a mom to do? Should I tell them that girls in fact DO have cooties? Maybe I should send them to an all boys school? Any moms out there who have been through this, feel free to give me some advice. In the meantime, pray for me to be a good listener to my boys, stay on top of all that's going on, and that the Lord will give me WISDOM.


  1. We never really had trouble with this "girlfriend" thing. We told our boys (and our friends) that they were little kids and that little kids didn't have girlfriends.

    We didn't tease them and did not allow our friends to tease them. If a friend ever asked them "So, do you have a girlfriend yet?" we asked them to please not say it again, and said that it wasn't appropriate to put that in their little minds (our opinion anyway).

    As they got a bit older we explained that dating is for marriage, and that if you aren't old enough and ready to be married, then you shouldn't date.

    Because you date to find a mate, and if you aren't ready to marry, then why are you dating?

    So, anyway, this helped and we really didn't have any of that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. We also have certain ages and rules about dating (our 16 year old doesn't date yet) so, that helped too.

    Our 20 year old has never dated either. He believes dating is for marriage and doesn't feel financially ready to take on a wife yet (he's in college).

  2. BTW, our 20 year old not dating is his choice. We allow group dating at 17 and car-dating at eighteen. He has just made his own choices while he's in school.

  3. Praying for you, and your sons.

  4. Hey Sister. Even though they are just little ones, I LOVE Nan's advice about dating being for marriage purposes. But at this level, I hope you can somehow plant seeds of respect if Josh's little heart towards girls.

    I pray God gives you wisdom.