Thursday, April 29, 2010

What I Learned from My Mother

I got this email and thought it was funny. These are comments from an "old school" Mom, not today's "PC" Mom who never wants to damage their children's psychy, LOL.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because, I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out"

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Did you count how many of these you heard growing up? Hope it gave you a chuckle. Have a great day!

Monday, April 26, 2010

I'm Back...

As promised, I am back now and ready to report all about my exciting, adventurous weekend...although I'm quite sure it won't be as exciting to anyone else as it was to me.

My husband & I were invited to come to a Prophetic Conference
for our Every Nation denomination. It was in Chantilly, VA at Grace Covenant Church.

You can also read about this on my friend Beth's blog at I'm Heading Towards My Destiny because she traveled with my husband & I.

First of all, I must tell you that the conference was awesome. I learned so much and God really stretched my faith this weekend. We were blessed with incredible teaching, we had wonderful praise & worship, and the people were so hungry for God and full of His love. I was honored to get to go and truly blessed by the entire experience.

I might as well go ahead and tell on myself. While the Bible says that "signs & wonders will follow the believer", I might also add that embarrassing moments seem to follow ME! There were so many of them that I couldn't possibly list them all, and some of them wouldn't translate that well because it was one of those "guess you had to be there" moments.

I will share some of our "crazy" stories:

We used the "Garmin" for driving directions and it was driving all right, driving us crazy! I missed several turns because it told me to turn left (only to find out that there was a ramp you were so supposed to exit on the right that would take you to the left).

We were following the Garmin to find an Applebees restaurant.
Upon arrival at our "destination" all we saw was a Hooters restaurant. We didn't think that was appropriate while attending a church function.

We ended up at Red Robin (yummm) where I completely wasn't thinking straight when I ordered a salad with Poppy Seed dressing. You know what's coming don't you? Of course I had poppy seeds stuck in my teeth! I was picking them out all the way back to the conference. The Garmin actually told us a different way to get back to the church and we ignored it and went with our "gut" on where we thought this road (that we had never been on before) would end up. It didn't end up where I thought, but it actually turned out even better and we were able to get to the church faster than we would have if we'd followed the Garmin's instructions!

I was trying to switch lanes ahead of the guy next to me in order to make my turn. I stomped on the gas and peeled out in my minivan with tires screeching. My hubby sarcastically yells out "get out of our way, we're going to CHURCH!"

We begin the afternoon session on Saturday with one of the Pastors who will really tell you like it is. Seriously, we were all afraid not to be in our seats and ready to go at exactly 2:00 as he had directed. In my haste to get back to the conference, I forgot to turn off my cell phone.
You guessed it...right smack in the middle of his message, my phone starts ringing. It would have been okay if I were sitting way in the back, but NO...I had to be on the 4th row! I grabbed my entire purse and threw it on my husbands lap so he would have to deal with it. I don't know what I was thinking??? I guess I wanted everyone to think it was his phone, but then, they would have to believe that it was his purse! He frantically tried to find my phone in this HUMONGOUS purse. He finally got the phone to stop ringing, and mercifully the Pastor kept on going without any response.

But the most embarrassing thing happened on the drive home. I won't go into all the details (in order to save myself even a shred of dignity). Let's just say that we were stuck on I-95, in the middle lane, surrounded by bumper to bumper traffic because of a wreck several miles up the road and I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt!

You can imagine that I got several different suggestions as to what I should do, none of which sounded good or would allow me to escape without total humiliation. It's only by the grace of God that I was able to hold on until we were allowed to exit the highway. We found the nastiest Hardees ever! But I was completely I made it work (no explanation needed).

The worst part is that I saw a McDonald's about 5 exits before I realized how bad I had to go to the restroom and I didn't stop, thinking that I would be okay until we could reach a better place. That would be the vision (of those golden arches) that would haunt me as I held my stomach and begged God for mercy while Beth & my hubby went between praying for me & laughing hysterically - LOL!

Lesson learned: Listen to that still small voice! He's better than the Garmin for directions, He'll keep you from eating Poppy seed dressing in public, remind you to turn off your cell phone in church, and take the right exit when you have to go to the bathroom because He knows there's a wreck up ahead!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Are you going to miss me?

Hello my beloved blogging friends,

I wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten you, even though we don't get together as regularly as we used to. I have been super duper busy lately (it doesn't mean I love you any less...)

I will not be blogging until next week sometime because I have a very special weekend planned(actually starting today and all through the weekend). I look forward to sharing a lot of wonderful things with you next week. I'll miss you...I'll miss your posts...I'll miss the internet...until we meet again...

In the meantime, have a wonderful day & a blessed weekend!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Part 2 - Word of God Speak

I feel like this is Part 2 to my blog I posted the other day entitled "The Living Word". I just can't get off of this subject of God's voice & Him speaking to us through His Word. I was praying this morning, then I came to my blog and I felt led to re-read my post. Right away, this song popped into my head so I went online and found it.

As I was listening to the song, I was caught by the line "fall down like rain" (speaking of the Word of God). I started to think about why so many of us hear great messages, sermons, go to conferences, etc., only to return on Monday and not be all that different. Have you ever heard a sermon on Sunday that you just knew would change your life? You thought to yourself, Wow, I'm NEVER going to be the same after that revelation! Only to wake up Monday facing the same old demons that bothered you on Saturday???

I remember a Beth Moore teaching one time where she talked about this same thing. She said she was visiting Africa with the Life Today ministry to feed the children. The leaders of the ministry were talking to Beth about how in some instances, they try to give them seeds to plant food there, but the people are so hungry, they eat the seed itself, instead of planting it in the ground so it can produce a crop. She said the Lord showed her that His people sometimes do the same thing with the seeds of His Word. We're hungry for it...we hear a good word and we focus so intently on the word itself, but we don't let it get deep down inside of us so it can produce a harvest. Before we know it, the word is gone and it's just another distant memory of some great sermon we heard once upon a time.

Back to the song this morning...I was thinking of that line "fall down like rain" and I imagined two types of rain. One, a hard downpour that floods, and two, a light, slow, but steady rain that covers the ground. The downpour is more dramatic & noticeable, but not as effective because it doesn't sink into the ground. As soon as the clouds move on, the sun will come out & the ground will be dry again the next day! Whereas the steady rain, is quiet, sometimes even seems boring & dreary. But it's soaking and going deep into the soil to make it healthy & produce a harvest.

I was thinking that we actually need BOTH kinds of rain, spiritually speaking. We need the downpour of exciting, faith stirring words to pour into our spirit like a flood...but it must also be mixed with a slow, steady rain of meditating on that word afterward, letting it sink way down deep, past the surface of our head knowledge, deep into our hearts. The only way we'll see fruit from any word given to us is if the seed falls into the ground & dies (is planted down deep) and then it will spring up and produce a harvest. Or as Beth Moore says, we have to stop eating the seed!

So, even though the sun is shining outside here where I live...I'll be praying for rain inside - how about you?

Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Living Word

I woke up the other morning with a Scripture on my mind. It wasn't even a verse that I had read recently, so immediately this sparked my curiosity. I assumed that God was drawing my attention to something for a reason, so I decided to look it up. While it was a familiar Scripture, I couldn't remember the context in which it was written. When I read it in my Bible, I knew that God was giving me a personal word, from His Word. It was like my own little "sticky note" from God reminding me of something I needed to make it through the day.

It doesn't really matter what the Scripture was...because if I were to tell you, it probably wouldn't mean the same thing to you. You may even say, "that's not all that deep or life changing of a Scripture"...and you would be right. As important as the verse was to me that day, the bigger message was how much my Heavenly Father loves me - that He would lay something on my heart as I was about to wake up, and start my day with my mind on Him. I love when He pursues me! I love that He puts a new song in my heart, or when I feel the Holy Spirit drawing me to come away alone with Him and spend some time in prayer & praise. I especially love how personal and intimate He wants to be with each of His children.

Have you ever had God put a Scripture on your heart? Have you had what is known as a "Rhema" word? When the written (logos) Word of God seems to just jump off the page and speak directly into your situation & circumstance? It doesn't happen all the time, but I do enjoy moments like that.

I just finished an awesome teaching by Ryan Wyatt at Abiding Glory Ministries.
He said that the written Word is not just to be read, memorized, or studied in and of itself, although we should read, memorize & study the Word. But it is also to lead us to a personal & experiential encounter with the Living Word (Jesus).

He pointed out that the Pharisees knew the Scriptures front & back and in them they thought they had eternal life (John 5:39) But they refused to see the Word that became flesh & dwelt among them. Even the devil knows the Scriptures. Remember when he came to Jesus to tempt him in the desert? He quoted from the Word of God (Matthew 4:6). The written Word, must at some point, come alive in us as we receive it for ourselves. We need to think of ALL of God's Word & promises as if He wrote a love letter specifically addressed to us!

So here is a helpful REMINDER to myself & all my friends...everything Jesus said in His Word is not only "Yes & Amen" but it is for ME & for YOU! All you have to do is believe it & receive it!
For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2nd Cor. 1:20 NIV

Monday, April 12, 2010

What's that smell?

The entire 4th grade boys at my son's school were being taught last week about the importance of hygiene. They even went so far as to send a packet of information home, along with their very own tube of "Old Spice" deodorant. He was so excited, you would think it was Christmas! He immediately pulled out the tube and began generously applying the deodorant to his armpits.

Anyone with boys who are close in age knows that if your 4th grader is going to wear deodorant, that his 2nd grade brother can not be left out! So, before I knew it, they both smelled like a room full of old men trying to impress the ladies at a bingo tournament.

The next morning, while I was making breakfast & packing lunchboxes, I smelled this overpowering odor coming toward me. Yes, both boys had caked on the Old Spice before they went off to school. I asked "how many times did you rub the deodorant under your arm?" "At least 4 times Mom" they answered. I explained that the purpose is to keep one from stinking, not adding to the problem.

Later that afternoon when they came home from school, I asked if anyone noticed their wonderful aroma. My oldest said he was sniffing his friends to see if anyone else was wearing their which his father replied, "that's not cool to go around smelling your friends". My youngest gave the most surprising answer - apparently he sat near a girl who he said didn't smell pleasant herself. He said he had to continually raise his armpit and take a sniff of the Old Spice to keep from having to smell her.

I know that doesn't sound nice, but at least he didn't tell her she stunk. Instead, it now appears that I have one child who smells his friends, and another who sniffs himself. All because the school decided to teach the 4th grade boys about hygiene. Thanks a lot!!!

Oh well, at least I can say that things are NEVER boring at my house. I pray you all have a wonderful, sweet smelling day!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Funny Kids at School

__________________________ _________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John , why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten
years ago.

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but
also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand....

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

Hope that brought a smile to your face! Have a great week.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Happy Resurrection Day!

I am out of town this weekend until Easter Monday and I doubt I'll have time to post anything else. I will be back right after Spring Break & Easter are over. Until then, I want to wish all of my wonderful blogging friends a very Happy Resurrection Day! (Easter) I pray that you will all experience God's resurrection power in your own lives, as we meditate on all that was accomplished on the cross!

Of course, I want to say a big Thank You (understatement of the decade) to my beautiful, awesome Savior, Jesus Christ, for dying on the cross, descending into hell to take back the keys, and then rising from the grave Victoriously, all so we could have life, and life more abundantly! Since you died & rose for me, I pledge to live my life for you by the power of your Holy Spirit who lives within me.

Happy Easter!