2. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
3. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
4. Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
5. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6. I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
7. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
8. Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. (Friend or Money!)
9. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
10. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
(above from indianchild.com/funnyquotes)