Filling A Void

I have a little secret to tell...I'm a normal (that's up for debate, I'm sure), not so "touchy feely" person on the outside, and a hopeless romantic on the inside. I'm the one who watches for the romantic comedies to come out, WEEKS before everyone else even knows about them.

Ever since I gave up my diet drinks and I'm trying to eat better, instead of eating a snack late at night, I've been going to my room to lose myself in a series of Christian Fiction romance novels. My Mom had an entire house full of books, and that's where I picked up the first novel of a series by author Kristen Heitzmann. I devoured the first book in one weekend, hardly wanting to put it down. Since then, I've become hooked on all her books. I've already read 3 entire series which includes over 10 books in just three weeks.

At first, my husband was happy I found something I enjoyed doing. Then it became a little bit of a bother because I spent so much time by myself; but last night it was apparent that he was concerned. I had laughingly told him that I had to get my "romance" fill from somewhere. Now let me just say that my hubby loves me more than anyone in this world. I couldn't ask for a better soul mate. He's my love, my partner, and my best friend - but he is also the goofiest person I know and any attempts on either one of our parts to be so-called "romantic" usually ends up with us laughing our heads off. And that's okay, I wouldn't have it any other way.

So, what is the reason for his concern? Well, last night he was trying to understand why I'm all of the sudden obsessed with these books and he immediately comes to the conclusion that I have a void in my life that he's not fulfilling. So I thought about it. I told him that I thought I had just transferred my obsession for food into a new hobby, but that still left the question, what is causing this void in the first place?

Now I've been a Christian for years - I love God with all my heart, I love my husband, my kids, my extended family, I've got great godly friends...I'm not supposed to have a void! A void is for people who are searching for God and are trying to fill it with all kinds of worldly things. What I am doing?

After praying and thinking about this...I am convinced that there is a void, and that no amount of romance, or food, or anything else will fill it. I prayed and asked God, "what is this void, this stirring, this restlessness I feel?" and I believe He showed me that it is a God-given void to keep me from becoming satisfied with where I'm at. Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT unhappy with my life. Have you ever just said "there must be more?" While I love mothering my children and emotionally supporting my husband, serving in the church where I can, praying for people, worshipping the Lord...I know that there is a deeper level of faith that the Lord wants me to enter into - and then to activate that faith by doing something, I just don't know what it is yet. I guess I was experiencing this hunger inside for change, but didn't immediately recognize that it was the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart.

Ten years ago, before my first son was born, my husband and I were crying out to the Lord for revival in our church, and in our lives. We were so hungry for more of the presence of the Lord. We started reading this book called "God Chasers" by Tommy Tenney, and our hearts were on fire for the knowledge & presence of God. After my son was born with medical problems, we were broke financially, and we were physically & emotionally exhausted - our zeal & passion turned to just hanging on to Jesus with all our might. We went from wanting to change the world for Jesus, to simply survival mode. I'm sorry to say that the trials just increased over the next ten years almost without stop, one thing after another, after another. While God has remained faithful to see us through, and we have not allowed the trials to turn us away, I believe we are just now getting back to that passion and stirring we once had. However, now our passion & zeal is coupled with a faith that has been tested and tried through the fire, along with wisdom and perseverance.

I'm looking forward to this next decade with excitement and expectancy to see what
God will do. I know to start with, He's looking to fill that void He's created with a fresh touch and a new assignment for me.

No matter where you are in your walk with the Lord, there is always a higher level of intimacy to attain. We must never stop asking for more of God. This is one time when it's okay to be greedy! Be content where you are, but NEVER be satisfied to stay there!