With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads, that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I will think, 'Good grief, look how smart I am!'
Last week I volunteered to help out with my son's Christmas party at school. The entire 2nd grade rotated through the classroom, and we helped them decorate sugar cookies. This sounded like a fun thing to do...until I saw something that made my skin crawl.
First, let me point out that I tease my husband ALL the time about his "germaphobic" ways. I call him "Monk", for those of you who have seen that t.v. show, you know what I'm talking about. I'm sad to say that after 13 years of marriage to this man...he's rubbing off on me! But, in my defense, what I saw while decorating sugar cookies in my son's class, would gross out any parent.
Okay, here goes - there was a whole plate of cookies on each table. Of course the teacher explained that with the flu going around, and in order to not spread germs, you should take the first, and only, cookie you touch. How many know that just because you explain this, doesn't mean that there weren't several kids who had to pick up every single cookie to examine which one was the BIGGEST? So at this point, I'm already grossed out.
Then, they were to spread the icing on their own cookie. They should have each been given their own plastic knife. But no, they used a knife, and put it back in the icing jar. What's the problem with that? Some of the kids decided to lick the extra frosting off of the knife and then stick it back in the icing! There were sprinkles everywhere, icing all over the place, kids licking their hands, licking the knives, licking, licking, licking EVERYWHERE! This was almost too much for me to handle.
Could things get worse? Yes, because unfortunately, my son wasn't in the first class that came through. No, that would have been too good to be true. He wasn't even in the second class to rotate. You guessed it...he was the LAST class to come through. By this time, I'm wanting to go to him quietly and say "whatever you do, DON'T EAT THAT COOKIE!"
After all this turmoil, I mean volunteering, I was convinced that my son would be sick within a couple of days. Not that I'm wishing anything on him - but seriously, every time I ever took my kids to the play areas in the mall, or Chick-fil-a/McDonalds, they were sick within two days - despite washing their hands or showering them down with hand-sanitizer. We finish out the week, and no sickness. I'm thinking, we've dodged the bullet this time.
Then, out of no where, my husband's throat gets scratchy. I play it off and say it's sinuses from the unpredictable weather. A few days later, he's added a stuffy nose & headache to the mix. Today I get a call from him at work asking if I would please bring him some medicine because he can't take it anymore. It's 3 days until Christmas and he has a full blown cold.
How does this all tie in? I'll tell you...
sugar cookies = gross behavior = germs = little germ carriers = give it to my husband = acts like a BIG baby = headache for ME!
It's not that I'm unsympathetic to his feeling bad...it's just that he's a man, who is sick...need I say more? If you don't understand what I'm talking about, consider yourself blessed.
Thanks a lot little 2nd Graders & have a Merry Christmas!
Disclaimer: This was all written in jist...of course I am nurturing my husband back to health with the greatest of love & care. And, I hold no ill will toward my son's 2nd grade class, or their germy little school projects.