What I Learned from My Mother

I got this email and thought it was funny. These are comments from an "old school" Mom, not today's "PC" Mom who never wants to damage their children's psychy, LOL.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because, I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out"

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Did you count how many of these you heard growing up? Hope it gave you a chuckle. Have a great day!

I'm Back...

As promised, I am back now and ready to report all about my exciting, adventurous weekend...although I'm quite sure it won't be as exciting to anyone else as it was to me.

My husband & I were invited to come to a Prophetic Conference
for our Every Nation denomination. It was in Chantilly, VA at Grace Covenant Church.


You can also read about this on my friend Beth's blog at I'm Heading Towards My Destiny because she traveled with my husband & I.

First of all, I must tell you that the conference was awesome. I learned so much and God really stretched my faith this weekend. We were blessed with incredible teaching, we had wonderful praise & worship, and the people were so hungry for God and full of His love. I was honored to get to go and truly blessed by the entire experience.

I might as well go ahead and tell on myself. While the Bible says that "signs & wonders will follow the believer", I might also add that embarrassing moments seem to follow ME! There were so many of them that I couldn't possibly list them all, and some of them wouldn't translate that well because it was one of those "guess you had to be there" moments.


I will share some of our "crazy" stories:

We used the "Garmin" for driving directions and it was driving all right, driving us crazy! I missed several turns because it told me to turn left (only to find out that there was a ramp you were so supposed to exit on the right that would take you to the left).

We were following the Garmin to find an Applebees restaurant.
Upon arrival at our "destination" all we saw was a Hooters restaurant. We didn't think that was appropriate while attending a church function.

We ended up at Red Robin (yummm) where I completely wasn't thinking straight when I ordered a salad with Poppy Seed dressing. You know what's coming don't you? Of course I had poppy seeds stuck in my teeth! I was picking them out all the way back to the conference. The Garmin actually told us a different way to get back to the church and we ignored it and went with our "gut" on where we thought this road (that we had never been on before) would end up. It didn't end up where I thought, but it actually turned out even better and we were able to get to the church faster than we would have if we'd followed the Garmin's instructions!

I was trying to switch lanes ahead of the guy next to me in order to make my turn. I stomped on the gas and peeled out in my minivan with tires screeching. My hubby sarcastically yells out "get out of our way, we're going to CHURCH!"

We begin the afternoon session on Saturday with one of the Pastors who will really tell you like it is. Seriously, we were all afraid not to be in our seats and ready to go at exactly 2:00 as he had directed. In my haste to get back to the conference, I forgot to turn off my cell phone.
You guessed it...right smack in the middle of his message, my phone starts ringing. It would have been okay if I were sitting way in the back, but NO...I had to be on the 4th row! I grabbed my entire purse and threw it on my husbands lap so he would have to deal with it. I don't know what I was thinking??? I guess I wanted everyone to think it was his phone, but then, they would have to believe that it was his purse! He frantically tried to find my phone in this HUMONGOUS purse. He finally got the phone to stop ringing, and mercifully the Pastor kept on going without any response.

But the most embarrassing thing happened on the drive home. I won't go into all the details (in order to save myself even a shred of dignity). Let's just say that we were stuck on I-95, in the middle lane, surrounded by bumper to bumper traffic because of a wreck several miles up the road and I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt!

You can imagine that I got several different suggestions as to what I should do, none of which sounded good or would allow me to escape without total humiliation. It's only by the grace of God that I was able to hold on until we were allowed to exit the highway. We found the nastiest Hardees ever! But I was completely desperate...so I made it work (no explanation needed).

The worst part is that I saw a McDonald's about 5 exits before I realized how bad I had to go to the restroom and I didn't stop, thinking that I would be okay until we could reach a better place. That would be the vision (of those golden arches) that would haunt me as I held my stomach and begged God for mercy while Beth & my hubby went between praying for me & laughing hysterically - LOL!

Lesson learned: Listen to that still small voice! He's better than the Garmin for directions, He'll keep you from eating Poppy seed dressing in public, remind you to turn off your cell phone in church, and take the right exit when you have to go to the bathroom because He knows there's a wreck up ahead!

Are you going to miss me?

Hello my beloved blogging friends,

I wanted to let you know that I haven't forgotten you, even though we don't get together as regularly as we used to. I have been super duper busy lately (it doesn't mean I love you any less...)

I will not be blogging until next week sometime because I have a very special weekend planned(actually starting today and all through the weekend). I look forward to sharing a lot of wonderful things with you next week. I'll miss you...I'll miss your posts...I'll miss the internet...until we meet again...

In the meantime, have a wonderful day & a blessed weekend!