Tuesday, August 14, 2012

A Vicious Cycle of Pain

If you've lived anytime here on this earth, you have learned this lesson, probably the hard way...

Hurting people hurt people

It doesn't matter if they're in your family, school, work place,  church, or some of your closest friends...people get hurt.

Most of the time it comes through misunderstandings or miscommunication.

However, part of the problem is when people have been hurt before and instead of receiving healing, they carry their offense with them. Eventually it becomes a part of their character. They might even think "this is just the way I am" or "God made me this way".

The truth is...your pain made you that way.

Here are some patterns that often develop in wounded people:

  • They appear to want friends, but often pull away. Loneliness adds to their feelings of rejection.

  • They have a victim mentality - everything is always someone else's fault (they were hurt, they were treated unfairly, etc.)

  • The same scenario plays out over and over again - different people, same circumstances - adding more wounds to their already broken heart.

  • They are often unteachable - they only want to serve, not receive. If they were to receive, it would be from a distance (preachers, teachers, tv evangelists, etc.) Not those who are close enough to speak to them directly.

  • Under the disguise of "freedom", they reject the idea and practice of accountability.

  • While many look at the following list as "feelings" - they are the "fruit" of demonic spirits that are drawn to wounded people:
    • insecurity
    • inferiority
    • rejection
    • fear, anxiety, worry
    • jealousy/envy
    • competition/comparison
    • bitterness (a strongman developed from an unforgiving heart)

How do you break the vicious cycle? By exercising the most "Christ-like"behavior a person can portray...


  • Walking in forgiveness - this means not picking up offense in the first place!
  • Letting go of every hurt that's been committed against you
  • Understanding when someone does something to hurt you that they are doing it either out of ignorance, or their own wounded heart.
  • Choosing to see the good in others, despite their feelings or actions toward you
  • Loving your enemies, blessing those who persecute you
* None of this is easy, all of it requires making a choice to do what is right, following the words of Jesus "forgiving others even as He forgives you", and you have to rely on the Holy Spirit!*

If the pain caused by another is particularly hurtful, spiteful, or heinous, you will definitely need the Holy Spirit's guidance on how to release it. You may also need to go to a Christian counselor who can walk with you through the journey.

However, most offenses start out rather small...they only turn into a HUGE problem when we refuse to deal with it!  Little offenses are like blisters, that if not dealt with, can fester and grow into a wound. The quicker we deal with hurtful situations, the least chance it has to get out of control. If you ignore it, push it down and try to pretend it never happened...it's still there, just waiting for the next offense, and then the next, until you have a gaping hole inside!

Most importantly - Pray for others!
  • Pray for those who hurt you
  • Pray for their healing and freedom
  • Pray that the person's eyes will be open to the truth
  • Pray blessings on them
  • Pray that God gives you a heavenly perspective to see what's really going on
  • Pray that He'll show you how to love them the way He loves them
  • Pray that no bitterness or unforgiveness remains in your heart toward that person

If we walk in forgiveness and not allow a foothold to the enemy, not only will we remain FREE, but we will stay open to minister that freedom to others.

...and we won't be continuing this vicious cycle

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