With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads, that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated, and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror, I will think, 'Good grief, look how smart I am!'
If ever there was a lesson on being careful what you say, lest it come true...this was it!!!
I was getting ready for church one Sundays not too long ago - I was super excited that I was able to "fit" into a pair of slacks that I hadn't worn in awhile. As I came downstairs, my husband told me I looked nice. I said "thanks, I only hope I don't have to bend over or I'll probably split my pants."
Yep, I'm sure you see where this is going...
We were going to a flea market after church and I didn't want to wear my church clothes, so I brought a change of clothes. When I went to the car to get my clothes I noticed it wasn't as warm as I thought it was going to be. So I decided to keep on the long pants and just change my blouse, and dress shoes to flip flops. I went to the restroom and when I bent over to pick up my dress shoes, apparently my earlier prediction came true...only I didn't notice.
I then left the church restroom located on one side of the building near the baptismal lobby, and walked all the way down the hallway, past the nursuries, into the Fellowship Hall and kitchen area, outside to the parking lot...stopped to talk to someone, gave them a hug, and finally went to my car.
NO ONE TOLD ME I HAD A HUGE SPLIT IN MY PANTS!
We stopped at a fast food restaurant for lunch on the way to the flea market. I was standing in line with my husband when a lady behind me said "Ma'am, did you know you had a split in your pants?" Like I would knowingly be walking around nonchalant about my underwear showing for all the world to see.
I very calmly said, "no, I didn't realize that." My husband who heard this conversation takes a look behind me and says "wow, you do have a large split in your pants!"
Already completely humiliated, but choosing not to panic, I thanked the lady for informing me of the split, turned to my husband and finished giving him my order. Then I excused myself to go out to the car and put on my Capri pants that it was too cold to be wearing.
The thought occurred to me that I really didn't want to take the pants and traipse through the restaurant to the bathroom to change since I would be once again parading my panties in front of everyone. I had no other alternative but to dress in the car. This was no easy task I can tell you that! I did eventually change without further incident and returned to the restaurant. My husband and the lady who informed me of my dilemma were still in line (it hadn't really moved at all, so it's safe to say that the term "fast food" did NOT apply).
When the lady saw that I came in wearing different pants she said "well that was fast (it wasn't really) and she commented how convenient it was that I had another pair of pants. She gave me credit for it almost as if I was some girl scout who always came prepared for any situation. Maybe that's not a bad idea to always keep an extra set of clothes in the car for an emergency. I used to always carry extra clothes for my children...who would of thought that I would need to do the same for myself???
After it was all said and done - I realized that I set this whole thing in motion that very morning when I spoke those fateful words "I hope I don't have to bend over or I might split my pants." It was a self-fulfilling prophesy, LOL Of course it doesn't help to keep eating at fast food restaurants either. Don't think I missed the irony of someone who splits their pants and doesn't even run out to change before placing their food order.
The other lesson I've learned from this ordeal is...
Church people don't tell you embarrassing things!!!
Hope this gave you a little chuckle. After all, what's the point of an embarrassing moment if you can't use it to brighton someone's day.